A Shadow of the Past

“We don’t meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our paths for a reason.”

I believe that Javier Garza in my life was not a mistake but a lesson; a lesson in which I haven’t learn anything from. He’s an example of a man who I shouldn’t be involved with because of his immatureness. Despite his age, he still acts like an 18-year-old that has no concern for his future or a woman’s emotions. I think the reason that I’m holding on to him rather than letting him go is because I’m afraid to grow up, because he’s the only thing that reminds me of my younger self. I’m finally realize that if I don’t let him go or forgive myself for my mistakes I will be always be stuck in the past rather than walking forward.

A while back, I wrote about Javier Garza in a previous blog and wrote how letting him go from my life would be the best decision and yet I’m still here in contact and talking about him. Javier Garza Chapter I don’t consider Javier as friend but an acquaintance or an ex- fling, call it what you may but not a friend. I consider a friend someone who is considerate, caring person who helps and listens you at your time of need and Javier is not any of those things. So why do I remain in contact with him? When I first met Javier, I was at a point of desperation, the self-esteem of a 19-year old was low and I would do anything to make myself feel better. My relationship with Javier weren’t exclusive, I would label our relationship as a spontaneous fling which all started and ended in the summer 2009. After our disastrous break up, Javier and I never spoke again, until in 2014 when he contacted me again.   

      As I strolled down on my newsfeed on Facebook, I got a notification that someone had sent me a friend request and I saw who it was, Javier Garza*. It had been years since I had last heard from him and it wasn’t in good terms. I was astounded that after 5 years he wanted to talk to me, but then I thought, maybe it’s a mistake and it was, according to him. I should have immediately denied the request and move on but I didn’t. I didn’t because a part of me was curious into where it would lead to.

From endless messaging on Facebook to hours talking on the phone, we had finally decided to meet up at CSU Long Beach after I had attended my friends’ graduation ceremony. The day was rapidly leaving and the night emerged to the sky, the fresh air had surround my body, and my feet were shaking nervously. I was waiting anxiously by the bus stop, watching cars driving by and hoping every silver car that passed was him.

I saw him standing outside his car, his arms folded and his beautiful eyes looking at me. I smiled as I made my way towards him. I took a deep breath and said, “Hey.” I initiate the conversation. “Hi. How are you?” he replied. He had lean over and gave me a hug. “Good.” I replied. He grew taller.  I told myself. “What?” he asked as I kept observing him. “Oh nothing, you just look different. Good different.” I smiled. “Really?” he asked. “Yeah.” The cologne he was wearing had rubbed off my cardigan. 

I must have some kind of brain injury that caused me to make senseless decisions. Whenever I'm with him or talking to him it's like my inner 15-year old self is talking to her high school crush. My hands get sweaty, I get a gushy feeling in the pit of my stomach and I do my quirky nervous laugh. If you're thinking if I love him, well the answer is... no. At first I thought that I was but I realized that I was in love with the idea of love and confused his affection for feelings. Who was I kidding, thinking that he could actually care for someone based the way he has been treating me. He's not the only person to blame, I was at fault to, for letting it happen. I'm such a naive, clueless and gullible woman who needs to let herself respect from guys like that.

 Javier's presence back in my life has been a roller coaster ride full of drama with spirals and turns that I'm losing control of my path in life. I need to leave the past behind and move on. I have to move on before it's late and end up getting hurt once more....

#endofanera #javierwho?

The Journey Continues...

Transformation is a process, and as life happens there are tons of ups and downs. It's a journey of discovery - there are moments on mountaintops and moments in deep valleys of despair.- Rick Warren

For the past few months I have been contemplating how to relaunch myself back to the blog-writing world. I have been hitting the backspace button on my keyboard so many times that I think it’s broken. Time and time again I have sat, laid and stood around my house waiting for the right words to flow out of my mind. There were days in which I would just stare attentively for hours to an empty word document in hopes of inspiration. This long absence has made me realize that writing is a difficult task especially when one doesn’t practice it frequently like me who has been away from a classroom. I have also come to the realization that perhaps I’m no longer intrigued by writing; I believe that writing was never my passion but as a way to escape the cruel reality in where I could express my fantasies and my emotions. Writing use to be one of my favorite past times whenever I felt the need to express my thoughts and emotions but now I struggle to get a word out. I have been re-writing this post for months now and I think I finally got it.

I have been on pause for quite some time now; not only in writing but in life. Ever since I left school back in 2013, I’ve been stuck in a profound hole that I cannot get myself out. You might say that I had post-college depression, it’s like when you go to an amazing concert of your favorite artist and the next day you get the feels and you get depressed. Well, that’s how I felt when I graduated from college; I had permitted the depression into my life which caused me to sink into this hole. Rather than investing in my future like many of my peers have done, I had let the negatively and self-doubt consume my soul and now I have not accomplished anything.

I need to reconnect to that young, fierce, proud Latina who I was once, who wanted to embrace her identity and culture to others and motivate the youth in my community. I cannot endure another minute of this state; little by little this hole has drain my motivation to follow my dreams. I know that part of me still remains in me, I need to shake everything off and find it.

 My journey in this world continues… 

Amazing 25th Birthday

Exactly, 25 years ago today, approximately 3:30 am my loving mother gave birth to a beautiful baby girl name Margarita. This girl turned out to be a lovely, smart, nice and loyal young woman. Blessed for my mother for having me and for GOD for sending me to two wonderful people who I'm proud to call mom and dad.

That's right, today is an especial occasion in my life, the day that I turn 25 years old and no, I'm not freaking out because I'll be 30 in five years. It's amazing that a quarter of my life is over, and it doesn't feel like it. Within the last year, a lot of things happened to me, I grew closer to God and Jesus Christ, I got my driver's license and I finally know what I want in life. For some people it takes to reach rock bottom to realize what their truth path in life is and apparently I was one of those people. Being 24 was an awesome adventure and now let's see what being 25 is all about. 

Most people didn't know that today was my birthday, the reason behind that is that I'm a very reserve person (and I know that's a bad thing) and I don't like sharing my birthday to everyone. Let's face it, most people now in days, thanks to social media such Facebook we are reminded when someone's birthday, and I'm not saying that it's bad in fact it's good for some people. But people, like me, a birthday is shared with family and friends who are close with, someone who takes the time to call or text them happy birthday. If you were one of those people who knew my birthday without a Facebook notification, well you must be an important person in my life because those who remember someone's birthday on plain memory are people one must cherish. That's one of the reasons that I hide my birthday from my social media for most of the day, it's not that I don't want anyone to wish me a happy birthday but I just want to see who really knows me and cares enough to remember my birthday. 

Anyhow, today was an amazing day, and I could not have wished for a better birthday. One of the few people who amazed me today was my mom. Today, when I woke up this morning, my mom wants doing her Saturday morning chores and I looked at her and said 'Good Morning, mom'. She smiled and said Good Morning back. Uh. I thought. Usually the morning of my birthday she would hug me and say Happy Birthday, however today was different. No Happy Birthday or nothing related, all morning she remained like that. Later on in the morning, my dad called me to tell me Happy Birthday and then my sister told me, but nothing from my mom. It kind of bothered me that she didn't say anything, but it went away. 

Around 1 or so, I had told my sister about how Starbucks had a birthday reward, getting any size drink free on your birthday so I asked her to take me to get my drink. While we were out, she asked if we could make some few stops, so before Starbucks we went to Target. After getting my Venti Iced Caramel Macchiatto (of course I had to take advantage the any size option), my sister and I went to Best Buy in Downey. After having spent 2 hours in the street with my sister, we finally arrived back home... to find out that our little adventure was a set up and it was a distraction. I walked into the kitchen and realized my mom had set up a birthday table just for me. 

Balloons were set up around the table, a sign saying Happy Birthday Maggie with Mickey and Minnie mouse ears was on the wall, a Letter silver M in the center piece along with two mason jars decorated as Mickey and Minnie Mouse. I was honestly speechless, I could not believe that my parents planned this to me. I was not expecting this. 

I'll be posting pictures of my gifts tomorrow on Instagram (lovely_maggie21). I'm beyond happy and I want to thank God for allowing me to having the best parents a girl could have and of course my sister who helped my mom by distracting me. 

Margarita Hernandez 11:00pm

I'm a LICENSED Driver...Finally

I got my Driver's License. 7-15-2015

So, today, something incredible happen today, I got certified to be a driver in the state of California. Yes, you read that right, I got my California driver's license today. I'm gratefully excited that after all the attempts over the past years that I'm finally holding in my hand the access pass to my freedom. And no, I'm not ashamed for waiting 8 years to get it. I got it and that's what matters. Now I have the liberty to drive anywhere I want and whenever I want, well not really, I still need a car. Well for now, I'm satisfied that I got it. 

Por fin, lo logre.

The Truth Is...

I always have the habit of making stupid decisions when it comes to guys in general, it doesn't matter if I'm dating them or my friends. if you know me well enough, you know that I keep going back to the guys who have hurt me in the past. The truth is that I don't want to cut them out of my life and I'm desperate for their attention that I don't want them to go. Honestly, I know that sounds pathetic and it is. The truth is that I'm afraid, what if I don't meet anyone else? I never been good in talking to guys, more specifically attractive ones, the only one that I could remember is Elias* from that organization from school.

I get it, I don't make the best choices; I always think too quickly before making a rational decision. With Edgar*, he treats me like I'm his girl but at the same time we're not; first of all, we hardly communicate and when he does is when he wants to and second of all when we hang out, he hugs me and kisses me. I don't understand his motives towards me, and I'm getting tired of this. Jay*, my current situation, he tells me that he likes me but not enough to ask me to be his girlfriend. He only wants to see me at night and you know what he wants. Despite all that, I still talk to him and I don't know why? I know that is not right and I have to cut them out of my life. We, girls, cannot let them devalue us, we are worth more than how they see us. I know it's not that simple and it takes a lot to cut someone out of your life.

The truth is... the only two people I truly cared for and might of loved were Elias and Heriberto. But things didn't turn the way I wanted them to be, so I moved on. Hopefully one day, I find someone like them....

Peace.

Easter Sunday

 Growing up I remember this day being more about the egg hunt and the Easter baskets instead about the Resurrection of the Lord. I remember my mom driving my sister and me to my grandparents’ house where we would gather with my aunts and cousins for our annual Easter celebration. But those days seem like forever now, I don’t remember the last time I spent an Easter Sunday with them. Now, I spent my Easter Sundays with my family, and usually we would make a whole day out of it. In the past years, we would wake up early and attend the 7 morning mass and then go to the park and have a Carne Asada, but this year was different. 

This year’s Easter Sunday was more significant compared to other years. I felt like I finally understood the meaning of Easter. This year's Easter Sunday's celebration at Our Lady of Victory, in Compton was a bit delayed. My family usually attends the 2pm service however we were surprised to see both parking lots full when we approached the church. Minutes later we realized that the mass before us, the noon mass, had not finished. Which then caused the mass to start a little bit late than usual. Anyhow, during the homily my attention was solidly at Father Francisco as he talked about the meaning of Pascua. The words he said made a lot of sense, how Jesus Christ came in to save us from our tomb, a tomb of darkness and full of sin. I reflected the words the father had given and if we want to be save from ourselves and from sin, we must be willing to open our hearts to him. 

Margarita "Maggie" Hernandez    10:05pm

My Saturday Night

A little over an hour ago, I arrived back home from the movie theater, and one might assume that I saw a movie right? Is it possible to leave the movie theater without actually watching a movie? Well, in my case that is possible, my sister and I had planned to go see the movie Furious 7 but something occurred.

I should have guessed, it was the opening weekend of the film and should have expected the popularity of the film due to the late actor Paul Walker. My sister and I stood in line and realized that the 8:15 and 8:30 showing of the movie had sold out. And the only time available after that was at 9:30pm personally I didn’t have a problem with that but I guess my sister did, so we left. I may have been a little upset on the way home, I guess because I hardly go out anymore, I was really looking forward to watching the movie. But now, I’m a bit relaxed and enjoying my Caramel Frappe from McDonalds as I watch my favorite soccer team play.

My Saturday night was not what I expected but that’s how life is. Things don’t always go the way we want them to be. Hopefully I get the chance to see the movie next weekend when the theaters are not packed.

La Seleccion Mexicana in Los Angeles

LOS ANGELES, CA- 

The Mexican National Team kicked off its 13^th annual U.S Tour in Los Angeles, CA with a matchup against Ecuador at the historic Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum on Saturday, March 28. After this match, they will face Paraguay on March 31^st in Kansas City; for these encounters, Mexico just like their rivals will use their best players since these teams are preparing for major tournaments such as CONCACAF Gold Cup 2015 and Copa America 2015. 

La Seleccion Mexicana in Los Angeles?!? 

When I first heard that the Mexican National Team would be coming to LA back in early February, I thought then I would have the opportunity to see my favorite players like  Javier “Chicharito” Hernandez and Hector Moreno. But as the date got closer, I realized that I was not going to be able to attend the game due to economic hardships. I knew that it was not everyday we see the Mexican National Team in Los Angeles and it was once in a lifetime opportunity, well maybe not a "once in a life time", I'm sure that they will be back one day. 

UCLA North Athletic Field

Most of the Mexican National players arrived in Los Angeles on Sunday night, while the others arrived the next day. Even though I had no chance is attending the game, I knew there was another way I could see my favorite players. So, I investigated where the team had planned to practice and found out that they were in UCLA North Athletic field. For a slight second, I jumped for joy because I had the opportunity not only to see them practice but also the chance to meet them each player. But
after Wednesday, I had a feeling that I was not going to get the opportunity to see them because how far of distance it was from my house and I had no transportation to get there. However, through the use of Instagram and using the hastags, #ucla #seleccionmexicana #mexico, I scrolled down pages of pictures and videos of people who were taking pictures with Moreno, Herrera, Chicarito, Dos Santos and among others. 

(Left to right): Corona, Herrera, Ayala, Reyes, Moreno
Dos Santos, Vazquez, Aguilar, Guardado, Layun, Hernandez

Game Day 

The line-up for tonight's game was: (1-5-3-2)

Goalkeeper: Jesus Corona
Defense: Paul Aguilar, Hugo Ayala, Diego Reyes, Miguel Layun, Hector Moreno
Mid-Field: Hector Herrera, J.J Vazquez, Andres Guardado
Strikers: Giovanni Dos Santos, Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez


Truly, it was a miracle that Mexico won today's game, and despire the goal from el Chicharito, there were several defensive and midfield problems that should be fixed before summer. Mexico needs to have more control of the ball and the players need more communication between them.

Player of the Match would be Mexico's Jose de Jesus Corona, the goalie, not only he prevented a tied on the penalty in favor of Ecuador but also several attempts of goals during the game. I had my doubts of his capacity in the net but after tonight's game I have no doubt he's a good contender for being the goalie of the Mexican National team. Don't get me wrong, I love Memo Ochoa and have been his fan for years but I think it's time to give someone else a chance.

Overall, I enjoyed the game but I would have been great if I was there but too bad.

Let's see how Mexico places against Paraguay on Tuesday. The line-up for Tuesday's game will change do to the departure of some of the players that are needed in Europe.


Here is a picture taken by a fanatic of the LA Coliseum:

World Poetry Day

Dulzura

Sandra Cisneros

No More Perfect Smile

If I was ashamed of smiling because of my yellow teeth, now I have a better reason not to smile anymore. Today I was told that there was no way in saving my broken tooth and the only possible solution is to get the tooth taken out. I just came back from a dentist appointment I had in my mother's dentist, I had already seen a dentist but my mom felt that there was another way to save the tooth without extraction, but just like the other dentist he agreed that there was no way of saving it.

I'm not surprised that this is happening to me. Ever since I had my braces taken off I had not visited the dentist office often as I should have. I guess it's my fault because I knew I could not afford visiting the dentist and especially afford the fillings for the cavities. So I ignored the problem for several years and I know I'm paying for the consequences. The dentist provided me with several options for my tooth lost, I have implant and bridges. And by the way he explained the two options and I think the bridges might be the only solution. Before anything, I think things through before making a final decision, especially financial wise.

I must admit I'm a bit terrified and not only because of the process of the extraction of the tooth but the feeling that I will have a gap between my teeth. I never imagine my teeth were so bad that I needed to get them remove. Before I had braces, the dentist had to remove 4 of my teeth so the rest of the teeth could be align better, so I know the feeling of getting my teeth remove. I feel so ashamed and guilt for not taking better of my teeth. A person's smile is an important feature, more important than a body figure; a smile is what makes each individual special.

Take care of  your teeth and visit your dentist regularly, that way you won't end up like me. Just think, it's only one tooth what if my other teeth are damaged as well.

Here's to a long road to dentists visits. Wish me luck

Margarita "Maggie" Hernandez 12:37pm

Paramount Swapmeet

Well done is better than well said. - Benjamin Franklin

For this week's post I want to share with you guys about one of my favorite places to shop. A few weeks ago I mention about Compton Fashion Center and how my family use to shop there a lot as growing up, well Paramount Swapmeet is one of the places that my family and I enjoy coming. Not only there's clothes and shoes but a variety of things such as plants, furniture, toys, and the list goes on.

Paramount Swapmeet is located at 7900 All America City Way in Paramount, CA 90723. One of my favorite things that I used to do a lot when I was growing up was that whenever we passed by the snack bar my family would take a break and order some chili beans nachos with a ice cold pepsi. However in the last couple of years we've stop doing that and I know what a shame. There are two types of visits when going to swapmeet, one is when you take most of the day to look around and the other just looking for something specific. When looking for something specific, we tend to wait until closing time so we won't pay the 2 dollars, why pay if we're just going to be there less than 15 minutes.
                                                                                                                                                        Usually I shop at places that sale forever21 clothing just like the image below. They have a variety of clothing at a cheaper price. There are days in which I don't buy anything, for some reason whenever I'm looking to buy there isn't anything appealing to buy. However, whenever I'm not there to buy stuff, the clothes suddenly appear to be calling out my name.

Credited to:

My favorite day in going to the Paramount Swapmeet would have to be on Tuesdays. Every Tuesday for a strange reason that swapmeet get's super packed, I mean, parking lot packed. Every time I go, for example, this last Tuesday I went with my mom, and I asked her Where do these people come from? Don't they have jobs? I laugh a little. It's true though, I see kids and families coming in and out of the swapmeet. It's amazing how this swapmeet has their customers.


Below are some pictures that I took this last Tuesday:

       

If you want more info, you can check out their website at: http://www.paramountswap.com/

Margarita "Maggie" Hernandez 10:30pm

Driving Solo

In the last few Sundays, as I already mention, my parents have taken my sister and I practice our driving skills. This past Sunday I felt more confident about my driving that I decided to put myself for a test. So yesterday, I decided to take a bold move and take the car for a spin, and before you  get any ideas, no I didn't go to the mall or anything like that. Due to a tooth accident I had to visit the dentist, so I decided to drive down there and luckily the dentist office wasn't too far from my house. To be honest, I was not nervous at all, I thought I would be because I was driving alone but I wasn't, it felt like I've been driving all my life. I still need a bit more practice, but overall I think I got it. My father thinks I should go for my driver's license and I think I will take his advice.

Something amazing happen today. Like I had to go back to the dentist for a re-evaluation from another dentist and instead of going home like I suppose to, I made a detour. Guess where? Lakewood Center Mall. Yes, and no I'm not kidding. I took another bold move but more like driving hazard to the drivers, just kidding. I don't know why I did it, I just took a risk and went for it without looking back. It was nerve wrecking; I told myself that I was crazy for what I had just done. I made it to and from Lakewood Mall in a good condition. I need improvement but who doesn't. I must admit, it's better than taking the bus.

Let's see when I go for another adventure. Perhaps, Long Beach will be my next destination...

Margarita "Maggie" Hernandez 2:01pm 

La Raza Resource Center

CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY, LONG BEACH-  For this week's post I want to write about a place that held a significant role in my life, well my college life that is, La Raza Student Association. La Raza is a cultural organization on campus, it's purpose is to meet "the social, cultural, political, and academic needs of Raza students on campus." Through this organization I was able to learn more about myself, my family, my history and my community. This organization shape who I was and made me think where my life is heading to. Because of Raza, I decided to minor in Chicano/Latino Studies, I wanted to know more in depth about my history and where my people come from.

When I first started college a few years back, I never planned to be involved in any sort of organization and especially a cultural organization. Thanks to two people who help me get myself involved in this organization and from there I started to make new friends. I was involved in La Raza for almost four years and within those years I served as a member and as an board member. In the years that I was in Raza, there was a place on campus that I considered my second home like how La Raza used to be my second family. La Raza Resource Center. It was the perfect place to be despite how torn up it was. Let me take you a virtual tour:

As you walked in the door this is the first you thing you see, computers, yes working computers. I remember the many laughs and conversations I use to have with my friends. It's been a year and it seems like it's been forever that I haven't been there.

   

 In the next room, a little bit more wider and larger than the computer room. This space was occupied with people talking, laughing, making jokes, etc. Don't assume just because there was a lot of laughing and talking you could not get any studying done. If the door was close, that meant don't disturb people are studying or taking a nap and usually they would respect it. The board, was use for announcements, messaging board but usually as a drawing board. People would just doodle random stuff.

Seriously. I miss this place. This was the only place on campus that I felt right at home. I just want to share a little bit of my life with you all. Hopefully one day that La Raza Resource Center will get a new location, I love the place but it's a death trap. People in the ASI or whoever is in charge should not be greedy with the money.

Anyways.

So long for now...

Margarita "Maggie" Hernandez 9:55pm

Job Interviews

Who likes going to Job Interviews? No one does, and especially for a job industry that one is not familiar with. I thought I was well-prepared to go into these interviews and kick some ass but turns out I need more practice than I thought. I had the confidence and the positive mind set to feel good about myself but it wasn't enough.

At the start of the new year, I've been applying to every store that I could think of and out of all stores I've applied only two called me back. One was for a position as a team member in Chipotle and the other as a store associate in Payless. Well, both interviews were okay but were not the best and I walked out I felt like I could have done better. I had a second interview for Payless today and turned out to be a group interview. It was a panel 12 girls and across from us there was the District Manger and 3 store leaders. It was intense, I was a bit nervous but I thought I had control myself with the responses that I gave. And for Chipotle's Interview, it was also a group interview but I knew this would have serve me as a practice before today's interview and it did a little.

What's the deal with group interviews? Anyways, I learned several things for these interviews, I need more practice in speaking and being able to get my ideas through. I hope next time I'll be more prepare.

Margarita "Maggie" Hernandez 9:39pm

A Moment of Weakness

As you may recall from my earlier post I've been dating a guy, and everything seem to be alright until yesterday. Yesterday I experienced a moment of weakness and I didn't know how far I would have gone. I was torn between my values and my desires; I didn't know what to do. It has been five years since the incident and the scar still remains here. I thought that after all these years I would have survived the touch of a guy but no. But after's yesterday engagement, the reminder of that night came in vivid images and I pulled away. It was only a moment of weakness and nothing more. I could not let myself put in that situation again, no more what my desires are. I'm not ready, I thought I was but I'm not. And plus, I have beliefs and values that I need to respect. 

Margarita "Maggie" Hernandez 6:20pm

Compton Fashion Center Closing

Compton, CA-  The Compton Fashion Center (2100 N. Long Beach Blvd) is closed. A few weeks ago a friend posted a picture similar to the one shown above, and I was stunned to find out that they were actually closing it out. A while back a friend told me that there were rumors about closing it down and I didn't believe him. However, several weeks ago, my mother had taken my sister and I for fruit smoothies at the fruit market that is located next to the fashion center. My mom asked the owner of the booth about the rumors about the closing and he confirmed it to us that the Compton Fashion Center was closing within a month. I was not surprised when I heard that it was closing it's doors to the public. In the last couple of years, the indoor swap meet had not been successful like in the past. 

This past Thursday, January 15, 2015, the doors of what once called Sears has closed it's doors for good. There have been rumors about a Wal-Mart taking over of this beloved historic place but no one has confirmed it. As a kid I remember spending most Sundays shopping at the center with family. I remember stopping at the snack corner to buy some nachos and an Icee. Those were the good old days, and now it's just an empty building. I was not the only one who was shocked about this news. In the last few days, I had been scrolling down on Instragram using the #comptonfashioncenter and I've noticed how many are sadden about the closure. 

 The Compton Fashion will be missed and hopefully something better comes along and I'm not saying Wal-mart. 

Here are some pictures that I took a few days ago: 

Margarita "Maggie" Hernandez 8:44pm

Behind-the-Wheel Practice

This new year, I told myself that I need to get my driver's license not only because it's a requirement in most job postings but also because I need to be self-sufficient and I can't always rely on my family. So, for the past few Sunday mornings my father has taken my sister, Nancy and I out for driving. Usually, it would be my sister and my dad the only ones who would be there in the car, however today was the first time my mother was willing to witnessed how I drove. She's a bit skeptical about how my sister and I drive and today was no exception. She kept pressing on my dad's seat beat thinking it was the break, like the back seat had a break, not only she it once or twice but almost the whole drive. Whenever she saw Nancy or I mess up or thought we were doing something wrong she would press on the seat belt and my dad would complained to her. I mean, I understand she worries about our safety but things like that make me nervous and put more pressure on me. 

Each Sunday my dad would directed my sister and I to a different route to drive, to spice it up, I guess. Today we drove by several cities including Lynwood, South Gate, Maywood, Boyle Heights and Downtown Los Angeles. My sister and I take turns whenever we drive, and usually she's the one who starts first however today I was the first one who took the car. I drove to the gas station and from there, I drove all Atlantic Blvd until getting to the gold line that ended in ELAC (East Los Angeles College). As I drove, my dad would comment on certain things that I could improve on such as stopping and having plenty of space between each car. There was a crucial point in which I had the opportunity to make a U-turn but I felt scared and doubtful in my capability to make the turn so I decided to go around instead but eventually I had to make one. There is no escaping the U-turns. We ended my route in McDonalds and from there my sister took over. 

In that hour, however, there weren't a lot of cars but just imagine when there is traffic, how will I react to that? Our driving session ended at Compton Fashion Center where we practice our parking skills and for being the first time, I think I'm good at it, well I think so anyways. 

Overall, my driving skills are still in that initial stage by that I mean, I could start the car, maintain the speed indicated, and switch lanes. There are still several things I still need to improve, mostly parking and turning are the TWO most important ones I need to focus on.

Margarita "Maggie" Hernandez 12:27pm

Old Friend

Tonight, I had planned to writeabout the closure of Compton Fashion Center but instead I want to talk about an old friend. I told myself that I was never going to mention him in any of my future posts but somehow I feel like tonight is an exemption. I don't recall if I had given him a name here but let's say his name was Eddie. The reason I decided to isolated his name from the blog was because I thought if I mention him it meant I still cared for him, and in that time I didn't want to care for him because what the harm he had caused me.

The reason that I'm bringing him up again is because I met up with him yesterday. Yes, I know stupid move Maggie. Why do I do this to myself, you may be asking, well to be honest I don't know. I just wanted to see if any of the old Eddie and Maggie were still there and you know what, there was, but just a little, like 35%. Both of us took a different route in life, he joined a fraternity and I decided to do my own thing. And ever since then, we've been distanced and we hadn't hung out for a while. The last time I had seen him was that La Raza's Dia de los Muertos Event at CSU Long Beach, and even then we didn't talked much. Every time I see him, it's like the only thing I could see is the new Eddie and not the one that I use to know (prior to Vegas).

From last night's adventure, I wondered if I really knew who he was and if he really knew who I was.
Questions surge during our conversation, I would mention things what we had done and spoke in the past and he would slightly remember or wouldn't recall of such event happening. I didn't want to argue with him so I let him be. I didn't care anymore, I really didn't.

However, I must admit that I had a lot of fun with him yesterday and even though we aren't as close as before, I'm okay that he's still in my life. I know now, that he's not the person who I thought he was and I'm okay with it. We are two different people now and each of us has to respect the other. I guess, the whole thing with him is over and finally passed it. It took me a while to get here but I'm happy.


Margarita "Maggie" Hernandez 11:05pm 

New Hobby: Crochet

New year, new hobby. 
In the last couple of days, I have been watching my sister and my mom making scarfs for my cousins, Emily and Ariana. For a while, I had been wanting to make a red scarf so this week I decided to make one. It's not that hard, it's actually fun and easy to do. The picture below is actually how the scarf is coming out and hopefully it's done by tomorrow so I can wear it on my date with Junior. 





The picture on the top shows a little headband that I made with a some leftover pieces of yawn I had laying around. When I was in school I had an Art class which involved us to do some crochet and I had some yawn left over. So I decided to do something and without realizing it I made a headband. Then, I started to use the orange yawn, I wanted to make a beanie but as you see there in picture it didn't come out so I decided to make it to a flower and attach it to the headband. For being my first try, it didn't come out so bad; I just need practice. 

Let's hope I make more scarfs throughout the year. 

The First Date

South Gate, CA- 
I told myself that I was not going to allow myself to be disrespected and played with again. But how can I prove myself if I don't allow myself to meet new people? Today, I decided to give myself a chance and decided to meet someone, his name is Junior. We have been texting for almost two weeks and due to unfortunate event on Saturday that caused me to cancel on him, well we rescheduled it for today. At first, I was a bit nervous because this was the first time that I was not expecting anything unlike those other times. Today was different, yes, we met and we talked but today also felt like we were on our first date.

When I first got on his car I didn't know what to say or do. I could not even look him in the face; I was nervous and felt like I was going to say something stupid. We first ended up at Taco Bell because he was hungry so we stop to get some food. At first, our conversations were empty, but as we drove to the park, our conversations started to get better. He's an alright guy, I thought. So then, we arrived to South Gate Park that's where everything started. We both acted like we were actually on our first date rather our first meeting. We walked over to the playground and asked me to get on the swings, I laughed and I did just for a while. He pushed me after I told him that I could do it myself. I must admit that was kind of cute. Then we walked for a bit and started talking about the squirrels that we saw as we walked. Then he hugged me, he tried to kiss me several times but I didn't let him. We walked more into the park and finally made a stop at a picnic table. We spent a while at that picnic table, we talked and laughed and finally he robbed me a kiss, And I like it. I know it' was too soon but he did it anyway. The scenery of the park was like those in the movies, the leaves were falling and the wind just blowing soft. It was truly beautiful. After we just walked some more and we left. We ended our date with him buying me starbucks.

I'm not sure where this is going but for the meantime, I'm okay with it. However, I'm not going to allow him to do anything that I don't want to. I have self-respect. Let's see how this goes. I have a date on Saturday.


Margarita "Maggie" Hernandez 9:25pm